Shatter the Box

I've said it before, but I didn't know reading the Old Testament would be so difficult for me this time around.  I've been putting off blogging because of this internal struggle.  It is hard for me to reconcile the characteristics of God portrayed in the Old Testament with my faith.  We hear that God is a jealous God and that he is to be feared.  I've always found it hard to understand fearing a God who is so kind, loving, merciful, etc.  Maybe it's because, as humans, we enjoy focusing on what makes us feel good and tend to disregard or push to the background things that we are uncomfortable with.  If we do this with the character of God and God himself, we undermine who he truly is and the impact that knowledge can have when applied to our lives.  In fact, it can lead to misapplication of truth and cause us and others great harm. 

God is loving, kind, merciful, gracious; yet is also jealous, just, and angry.  How do these reconcile to each other? To be loving one can argue that you must also be jealous.  True love doesn't envy, but there is a place to be jealous when someone or some thing steals the focus and affection of the one you are committed to and a time to jealously guard your affection and time with the one whom you love.  To be merciful, must you also be angry?  If you are not angry, there has not been an offense, and if there is no offense there is no reason to show mercy or forgiveness.  For what is there to forgive? And what are you to be merciful about?  This is the same with justice.  How can there be justice if there has been no wrong? And how can there be mercy, grace, and forgiveness if there is no love?  How can there be love if there is no justice?  All of God's characteristics reconcile together in perfection.

I would argue that since man was originally created in the likeness of God, our emotions were also created in the likeness of God.  The differences are our emotions are corrupted by a sinful nature, therefore, making it difficult to experience the true purity of them as experienced by God and expressed in his character.  This makes it difficult for our minds to grasp these character traits of God because our experiences of jealously, anger, hatred, etc. are tainted.

One of the biggest themes I see is that even though God demonstrates his anger, jealously, and yes, even hatred over and over again to a stubborn humanity; it is not without mercy and forgiveness.  If he didn't love humanity so passionately there would be no anger, jealously, and hatred over other gods, people, or things stealing our affection and devotion.  Not only does he continually show mercy, he uses the very people we would condemn or pass over to make the biggest impact for him.  Why? Because their hearts held true repentance for their transgressions.  Moses was a murderer.  Gideon was the least of the men in his family and from the smallest tribe of Israel.  Deborah was a woman yet led Israel as a judge.  Mary was a young, unwed girl, and the list goes on and on and on.  King David was an adulterer and murderer yet it was said that he was a man after God's own heart. 

Oh that I would be a woman after my Father's heart and my life be a vessel continually emptying of self and filling with my Savior!!!!